Owning vs. Keeping
This past weekend I decided I need to clear up some space. I was feeling summery, despite the never ending cold/rain and wanted to tap into that energy. As I pulled down a pile of sweaters and found myself feeling genuinely conflicted about which ones to keep and which ones to get rid of it sparked a moment of curiosity. What was I attached to…the sweater? The memories I had of times when I was wearing it? The money I spent on it? The guilt I had over the 10 pounds I gained that made it tight? The importance I place on not being wasteful? As I sat there with all these questions it became really clear to me…. I have a LOT of shit that I hold on to that I don’t even know why I am holding onto it!
I’m not just talking about sweaters here either…yes there are a lot of those, but I am thinking of old thought patterns, guilt and shame, ideas of who I think I am and ways that I have showed up. It is this shit, the invisible baggage that exists in your mind and soul that makes sorting through the physical manifestation in the form of clutter, so hard to deal with.
“This is a super fun and uplifting post Lulu and I feel really connected to my joy after reading this!” Said, no one. It will get there so hear me out. First, do I have all the answers? NO, I never do. What I have are some more questions and an invitation. Do you have some old limiting thoughts, beliefs, patterns, guilt, shame, or anger (even ones that you “know” are not true) that you are allowing to become a hoarding situation in your soul? Do you notice some physical manifestations of this? For example… I am not a good enough Mom because I have made horrible decisions that my children were witness to…..that manifests physically in a basement full of bins filled with school papers, projects, pictures and old baby clothes. In my heart I know that I have done the best…but deep down in the places we keep in the dark, like the bins of papers, I still hold that belief that I am not enough (a little bit). Before you get too worried….it doesn’t always feel that way and you can ask Zonkie and he will concur that I have come a long way and that I can rock the most amazing blinders when I want to.
Now for the uplifting part…… Just because I OWN MY SHIT does not mean I have to KEEP IT! BOOM! Let that sink in for a minute. Just because you bought an expensive sweater that you HATE the way it looks you CAN LET THAT SHIT GO! Just because you acted in a way yesterday that you are not proud of, said something that hurt someone, made a bad decision…you can OWN IT, apologize, repair as best you can, forgive yourself and then LET IT GO! The trick is….and this is totally the hard part and the part that I miss all the time…. don’t make it who you are! Don’t TELL yourself in your head that you are a bad person. Don’t tell yourself that you are lazy because you missed a workout. Don’t tell yourself you are useless because you messed up. Are you going to mess up in this life? YES! Are you going to repeat some mistakes? PROBABLY! Are you anything but the embodiment of light and love in human form? NO! So start asking yourself QUESTIONS. Why did I react that way? What am I really craving? Who do I really need to ask for forgiveness them or me? Where did this idea that my thighs are “too fat/skinny/dimply/muscular” come from and does it align with my own ideas of an amazing life?! IS THIS WHO I WANT TO BE TODAY? Will you always have an answer, again probably not, but in asking the questions we are inviting in possibility. With possibilities we have opportunities and the path becomes LESS about where you have been and more about where you want to go.
If we ask the questions we open ourselves up to exploring and creating NEW pathways away from all the shit we may have gotten really good at owning! This is challenging part, the NOT keeping. Those old things we have told ourselves for years are comfortable and we are used to them, they may have even kept you safe, but if they are not serving you any longer it is ok to explore what it would be like without them. And when we do slip up, it is something that happens, not “who we are”. So when things get a little out of control in your life and you pull out the pile of sweaters, they are just that, a pile of sweaters. Keep what you still love and what resonates with who you are in this moment and release the rest without judgment. How can you be curious about your shit? What do you own now that is past its time with you and needs a new home? How good do you feel when you shake it off? XO Lulu