You Are Amazing!
Do you ever have someone tell you something wonderful about yourself and you instantly start internally (or sometimes out loud) going through the laundry list of shitty things you have done in your life, from stealing lip gloss in 7th grade to lying about your weight at the DMV last week and think…..if they REALLY knew me they wouldn’t think I was so wonderful? If you don’t then you can skip this one and go scroll some tik-tok videos….Enjoy! If you are like me you have done things in your life that you are ashamed of. I don’t like to use the word shame too often, but sometimes in life we do or say things that we wish we could go back and change even after we have done our best to make things right. It is the disconnect between that internalized shame and the kind words being spoken that can make it hard to receive the compliment.
I used to lie a lot when I was young. I made up stories that I thought would make me more accepted by my peers, make me feel better about myself, make me cooler/funnier/lighter…all the -ers. I lost friends and hurt people. Not intentionally, but sometimes our actions have unintended consequences. As an adult I am more honest, but didn’t like confrontation and could be a “people pleaser”, which sometimes that meant being less than 100% honest….less of the outright lies of my youth (I have a boyfriend, he just goes to a different school) and more like the omission lie (I would love to come to your thing – I’m just not going to do any of the things I need to, to actually make that happen). I am not proud of this and even typing it makes my heart constrict a little because in my heart I am an honest person and am afraid of losing your trust. So, after much time working on this and struggling to rid myself of this shame I found Rumi’s quote “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”. Simple to use and by doing this makes life SO MUCH better.
Those three little questions help to keep me mindful about the words that come OUT of my mouth, but what about the things that I tell myself? Negative self talk, toxic narratives or bullshit conditioning…..whatever you want to call it, I have yet to meet a person who hasn’t experienced it! Over the past few months as I have been putting this program together I have realized how important it is to apply those three little questions to my inner talk as well. It has really helped me to move forward in a way that would be inaccessible to me otherwise. There is great value in pulling that which is dark and ugly about ourselves out into the light, sitting with it, examining it, being curious about it (Is this really MY thing or is this a shitty thing that was given to me that I don’t want anymore?), and then deciding what we can do about it, forgive ourselves, and move on. It may take a few times. It may come back in different forms. Each time we can decide what we do with it, let it sit and fester or do our best to fix, forgive, and release.
So what does this have to do with receiving a compliment…..Well my love, I hope that you know by now that we can be amazing, wonderful, beings of light and love AND do shitty things! BOTH. I wonder though, what would it be like if we turned into the good in us, told ourselves the good things that we normally reserve for others, and focused on THAT, how would it change us? I am curious….How do you receive the kind words of others? Are you mindful with your speech, both out and in? Are the things that you are telling yourself keeping you stuck? Is it hard for you to forgive and release? What would it
be like to stop carrying around the words/thoughts that no longer serve you? Can you hear me when I tell you that you are amazing?
You are amazing! XO Lulu